7 Classic Star Wars Characters Who Totally Dropped the Ball [Cracked.com]
Even though I was in a coffee shop full of patrons furiously concentrating on their caffeine and newspapers, I couldn’t keep myself from laughing out loud like that annoying guy who always laughs out loud in coffee shops while IM-ing with friends just so it looks like he has some semblance of a social life.
An excerpt (to match the image above):
In Episode IV, Admiral Motti, riding high on the whole “Death Star” thing, finally decides he’s going to tell Vader off just like he practiced over the phone with his mother. After bragging that he’s not scared of Vader, he tells him that his “sad devotion to that ancient religion has not helped you conjure up the stolen data tapes, or given you clairvoyance enough to find the rebels’ hidden fortress…[Choking sounds].” Clearly Motti doesn’t realize that he was only named for the sake of the action figure packaging and will not be returning for any of the sequels.
Why It Was a Bad Call:
Even though Darth Vader is a seven-foot-tall bionic killing machine with a sword that can cut through anything, making a personal attack against the man’s religion is totally uncalled for. Any manager, be it of the Galactic Empire or Dunkin Donuts, is probably going to fire you if you interrupt a board meeting to call him the equivalent of “a f–king Jew.” Even if you were partially responsible for an incredible new product with limitless planet-destroying potential.
Of course Darth Vader, being that seven-foot-tall bionic killing machine, has a definition of “fire” that is more in line with the common definition of “strangle to death”. If Grand Moff Tarkin hadn’t told Vader to stop, he probably would’ve thrown Motti out the goddamn window like Patrick Swayze in Road House. As it stands, we’re pretty sure the Admiral had been promoted to cleaning toilets on the detention level by the time Luke blows the place up at the end.
The point of the scene seems to be that somehow Motti didn’t know Vader had magic telekinetic strangling abilities. But even so, and even if an Imperial officer like Motti somehow also missed the memo on what not to say to a Dark Lord of the Sith, that still means that he thought Vader only had about 37 different ways to instantly kill him instead of 38 (most involving a lightsaber neatly carving through his groin).
What we’re saying is that Motti was hired not for his tactical acumen but purely for his ability to sneer.
Thanks for the tip, Angelo!
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